"No eye contact, no acknowledgement, nothing": 33-year-old teacher blatantly ignored by husband's ex-girlfriend at work despite a decade passing since break up, struggles to navigate hostile work environment

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 4, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

If you're unfamiliar or very new to the corporate world, you may be only vaguely familiar with the term "hostile work environment." The vocabulary conjures some pretty scary and aggressive imagery. However, it doesn't refer to offices where knife-wielding employees are constantly crouched behind their cubicles, ready to pounce on their fellow coworkers at any moment. It refers to the more subtle forms of aggression that are more pervasive in a corporate setting — passive aggression, intimidation, discrimination, and lack of communication. 
In our story today, a young teacher finds herself in something of a hostile work environment due to her partner's ex-girlfriend. They're not exactly coworkers, but they work in the same field and often find themselves needing to interact for professional purposes. Except even when our protagonist is standing right in front of the decade-old ex, she completely pretends that she doesn't exist. Scroll down to read the full story and find out how internet commenters think our protagonist should handle this sticky situation. 

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  • 01

    My partner's ex refuses to acknowledge me - even in professional settings - and I don't know how to handle it.

    "She quite literally refuses to acknowledge my presence"
    via Liza Summer from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (33F) have been with my partner (34M) for over a decade. When we first got together, he was still friends with his ex (34F) on Facebook and, while they had been broken up for over a year at that
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 03
    each other every once in a while. Once my partner and I made our relationship "Facebook official", she sent him a long message about how she thought
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 04
    someday they'd rekindle their romance, how heartbroken she was, how hard it was to see him with someone else, etc.; then she unfriended him.
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 05
    f facebook.com
    via Torsakarin from Getty Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    Fast forward to now: they haven't had contact since she sent that message and unfriend him. They have both moved on...or so I thought. In the almost 11 years since my partner and I have been together,
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 07
    she has gone on to get married, have kids, and (sadly) get divorced. Despite the length of time, she still seems to be holding onto something; and unfortunately, we now work in the same professional field.
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 08
    The two of us have never actually met or been introduced, but we both have very unique names, SO we absolutely know who each other is. There's a really good chance she looked at my profile when my partner and I started posting pictures together.
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 09
    She at least knows my name and what I look like. When her name showed up in my work email a few years ago (while I was working at an alternative school), I did the (im) mature thing and looked her
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 10
    up on Facebook to confirm it was her; it was definitely her and that's how I learned she had been married, had kids, and gotten divorced.
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 11
    The reason she was in my email is because she worked at one of the schools we serviced and she had to come test a couple of the students in my classroom. I was instructed by my supervisor to
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 12
    reach out to her so we could schedule a time for her to come since the students were in my classroom/ caseload. So I sent a very normal, polite, professional email to discuss scheduling logistics (it should be noted that my work email included a signature with my name, credentials, and position at
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 13
    the school, so she very likely saw my name and knew who I was). She never responded to my emails. Instead, she would exclusively communicate with my supervisor who would then forward me the emails. I would reach back out to her to respond and she would email my supervisor again.
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 14
    When she came to the school to do the actual testing, she refused to step foot into my classroom to retrieve the students; instead she stood in the doorway and just said "I'm here for [student]", no introduction, no "hello", nothing. She even left a
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 15
    student alone in the testing room for a while so she could go find my supervisor to take the student back to my classroom instead of just walking him back down herself. She had to come to my school a few different times to test students and every time it
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 16
    was the same thing. The only time we have ever actually spoken was when I happened to pass her in the hallway while going to the bathroom and I asked her how the student did with testing. She gave a super short answer and just went on her way.
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 17
    Currently, I work at therapy-based clinic that has close ties with the autism community. Today, I had volunteered to represent my company at an autism awareness event in the community. I was one of the people manning our company's tent/table, talking to
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 18
    families and answering questions when none other than my partner's ex walked up with her two children (whom I recognized from the pictures I had seen on Facebook). Once again, she acted like I did
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 19
    not exist. No eye contact, no acknowledgement, nothing. I was literally answering questions that she was asking and she just stared down at the table the entire time or only looked at other coworkers.
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 20
    We have never been formally introduced because she quite literally refuses to acknowledge my presence. And I cannot stress enough: I have never been anything but professional and cordial with this woman.
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 21
    I have brought this up with my partner every time it has happened. His response is always pretty much the same: that that's kind of how other people perceived her when they dated - kind of standoffish and cold. He's asked me if I expect her to become
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 22
    my friend or something, but of course I don't! I just want her to acknowledge that I'm an actual person, despite her history with my partner (which has nothing to do with me), especially in professional settings where we have to collaborate!
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 23
    So...now that our paths have crossed multiple times, I'm worried that they may continue to, especially with us being in the same fields. What should I do if I end up in a situation where I run into her again or we have to work together again? How do you collaborate with someone who's committed to pretending you don't exist?
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 24
    Cheezburger Image 10523727872
    via RDNE Stock project from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 25
    Also, please don't be mean to this person in the comments. I do not know her or anything about her (other than what was mentioned above) and I am not saying she is a bad person at all with how she is
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 26
    acting towards me; she has every right to still feel a type of way about her relationship with my partner. I just want to know how to deal with this type of behavior. Thank you in advance.
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 27
    Cheezburger Image 10523728128
    via Monkey Business Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 28
    BestAd5844 Why didn't your supervisor reach out to her supervisor to complain that she was not reaching out to you directly when repeatedly told to do so? She was making more work for everyone. How did she not get called out on this? You don't have to be friends, but she should be respectful and professional.
    via u/BestAd5844
  • 29
    AmbiguousQuadraped OP I am not sure why my supervisor did not reach out to hers, they must not have thought it was that big of a deal? My supervisor was not aware of us knowing of each other/the history and I didn't bring anything up because I didn't want to stir up drama.
    via u/AmbiguousQuadraped
  • 30
    rusty0123 So, I normally wouldn't recommend this but... You really have no reason to know who she is. It's been 11 years and this is some woman he dated off and on in college. If she had an ordinary name, you would've never connected the two.
    via u/rusty0123
  • 31
    Play it that way. You don't know this woman. She acts strange around you. You have no idea why.
    via u/rusty0123
  • 32
    Just ignore it unless it impacts you professionally. If your supervisor asks, then just say you've noticed but have no idea what's going on. You might, if another situation happens like the volunteer thing, walk away and let someone else help her. If a coworker comments, just say "she always seems uncomfortable around me" and shrug. This is a "her" problem. Don't make it a "you" problem.
    via u/rusty0123
  • 33
    LoveforLevon When you have to interact with her by email cc your supervisor AND hers. If she only responds to supervisor when he forwards it, again reply to all. Her supervisor will catch on...no telling how many other people she treats similarly. Im old and trust me-she's done this to others.
    via u/LoveforLevon
  • 34
    Sauce_Addict85 If it's having an impact on you professionally, then I would simply mention it to your supervisor. (If they notice and ask about it), at least so that you are not deemed incompetent. Other than that, leave it. She is hurt by her own past, none of which you are responsible for
    via u/Sauce_Addict85
  • 35
    tinyd71 You are living rent-free in her head! And now she's living rent-free in yours... In a professional situation, act professionally. If she chooses to ignore you or not respond, that's on her and reflects poorly on her, not you. You can't control someone else's behaviour, only your own.
    via u/tinyd71

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boyfriend long term relationship relationship advice employee ex girlfriend Professional At Work work coworkers relationships girlfriend couples exes workplace dating
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